Dads Deserve Better: Time to Ditch the TV Stereotype and Celebrate Real Fatherhood!
Ever flipped through the channels or scrolled through a streaming service and noticed the recurring theme of the bumbling, clueless dad? It's a common trope in movies and TV shows, one that might seem harmless or even humorous at first glance.
However, the constant portrayal of fathers as inept or negligent can have deeper implications on societal views and family dynamics.
More significantly, it hacks me off!
I watch a lot of TV and streaming shows with my family. It's kind of a nightly ritual. After dinner, everyone who is at home gathers together to watch a few of our favourite shows. Right now we are watching Seventh Heaven, followed by Modern Family and then The Goldbergs. We have seen all the episodes before, but we have started the shows again. I know, weird.
We also engage in lively chats throughout the episodes, discussing any issues that arise or comments made by the characters.
Something we have all noticed over the years is that fathers often fall victim to preconceived stereotypes.
Broadly categorised, these stereotypes portray fathers as either embarrassingly inept or alarmingly irresponsible. This not only undermines the significant roles many fathers play in their children's lives but also perpetuates harmful myths about fatherhood.
Classic TV sitcoms and comedy films are the main culprits in promoting this stereotype. Here, dads are often portrayed as loveable but clueless, always one step behind the curve and utterly lost when it comes to basic parenting tasks. From sitcoms to animated series, the image of the incompetent father has become a pervasive cliché. Characters like Homer Simpson from "The Simpsons", Daddy Pig in "Peppa Pig", Phil in "Modern Family", Hank Thunderman in "The Thundermans" and Peter Griffin from "Family Guy" epitomise this trend.
For example, it is a familiar sight to see a father grappling with changing a nappy (diaper), preparing a meal, or managing school-related tasks, often culminating in a comedic disaster.
While some of this is simply harmless fun, combining it with ongoing discussions about toxic masculinity, the patriarchy, and other perceived male shortcomings can ultimately paint men and masculinity in a negative light. This, in turn, has a negative impact on everyone.
The portrayal of fathers as inept serves to diminish the crucial role that fathers play in the family. It suggests that fathers are unnecessary or, worse, detrimental to the well-being of their children. This is a dangerous message to send to young audiences who are still forming their perceptions of family dynamics.
When children see fathers consistently depicted as fools, they may internalise these portrayals, leading to a lack of respect for their own fathers and for fatherhood in general.
Children learn by observing and mimicking the behaviours they see in their surroundings, including the media they consume. When fathers are depicted as incompetent, it can weaken the bond between fathers and their children. Boys might grow up believing that fatherhood is synonymous with being foolish and irresponsible, while girls might form an expectation that men are not dependable. This can result in a pattern of dysfunctional family dynamics, where the significance of the father's role is underestimated and misinterpreted.
Moreover, this stereotype can have serious implications for fathers themselves. It can affect their self-esteem and how they perceive their role within the family. Fathers who feel they are not valued may become disengaged, further perpetuating the cycle of absentee or uninvolved fatherhood. This disengagement can have ripple effects, leading to issues such as behavioural problems in children, lower academic achievement, and emotional difficulties.
Evidence underscores the significance of having strong male role models at home, especially for boys. However, many fathers are absent. According to 2023 data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS), there are 3.2 million lone-parent families in the UK, constituting 15% of all families. That's a big number. Among these, 85% are led by mothers. In the US, there are 9.8 million single-parent households, with 74% of them being led by mothers.
In their excellent book "The Boy Crisis," Warren Farrell and John Gray point out that boys and young men are grappling with significant challenges in today's world. While the absence of fathers is a major factor, it isn't the only reason for these difficulties.
Some of the key data takeaways from the book include:
1. Educational Decline: Boys lagging falling behind girls nearly almost every metric. They receive lower grades, are less likely to pursue higher education, and are more likely to drop out of high school.
2. Mental Health Issues: Boys and young men have higher rates of depression, suicide, and mental health problems compared to girls.
3. Absent Fathers: A critical theme in the book is the impact of absent father figures. Boys without fathers in their lives are more likely to face educational, emotional, and behavioural challenges. The book argues that father involvement is crucial for the healthy development of boys.
4. Economic Displacement: The decline in traditionally male-dominated industries and the rise of the gig and digital economy have left many men struggling to find stable, well-paying jobs. This economic displacement contributes to a sense of purposelessness and frustration among young men.
5. Health and Longevity: Boys and men tend to engage in riskier behaviours and face health issues that result in shorter life expectancies than women. The book explores how societal expectations and norms play a role in these health differences.
6. Identity and Purpose: The book emphasises the crisis of purpose among boys, which arises from evolving societal expectations and the absence of defined roles for men in contemporary society. This crisis impacts their motivation and overall well-being.
One consequence of the lack of family-based male role models, coupled with the widespread criticism of masculinity, has been the emergence of more controversial figures, such as influencers like Andrew Tate. Tate articulates many of the problems boys and young men face today. However, his terrible attitude towards women and his general know-all arrogance is not the type of male role model young men can truly benefit from today.
In my view, he is the epitome of a counterfeit.
When boys and young men lack positive role models at home, they risk being influenced by unsavoury characters who step in to fill this gap.
So, what can we do about all of this? To begin with, we need to have more positive and traditional father role models in our media and other public spaces. Fathers who are caring, responsible, and actively involved in their children's lives should be highlighted. These portrayals can help redefine what it means to be a father and offer a more balanced and realistic depiction of fatherhood.
While I advocate for positive portrayals, it is also crucial to celebrate and uphold the values of traditional fatherhood. Traditional does not imply outdated; instead, it signifies the timeless principles of responsibility, protection, and guidance that fathers have historically embodied. A traditional father is one who provides for his family, not only financially but also emotionally and spiritually.
Celebrating traditional fatherhood means recognising the importance of fathers who are present and active in their children's lives. It means valuing the unique contributions that fathers make.
For example, while there will be exceptions to these general observations, I have noticed that fathers often feel at ease with exploring risks. They tend to take more risks themselves and encourage their children to experiment and try new things. Sometimes, of course, this risk-taking can go wrong!
Fathers often excel at enforcing boundaries and rules. While mothers frequently establish these guidelines, they sometimes find themselves spending a lot of time urging for them to be respected, occasionally letting things slide due to sheer exhaustion.
Fathers can be more spontaneous and playful. They are good at teasing, and I am particularly skilled at it. Teasing is a way of male bonding (within limits of course!), so it is crucial for boys to learn about this early on from someone they love and trust.
Over the years, I have also noticed that simply sitting down and hanging out can be very beneficial for children. It offers them a chance to unwind and perhaps share things they wouldn't if everything is always go, go, go.
For girls, being challenged or teased by their fathers in a safe environment can be very positive. They often perceive it as a form of role play rather than something threatening. In contrast, mothers and other girls typically offer support rather than a challenge. Children truly benefit from having both experiences.
These moments, while seemingly mundane, are foundational to a child's development and sense of security.
Moreover, traditional fatherhood emphasises the importance of role modelling. Fathers who exhibit qualities such as integrity, hard work, and respect for others set a powerful example for their children to follow.
Role modelling like this is essential in a world where children are continually exposed to conflicting and sometimes extreme messages about gender and the TV stereotypes previously mentioned.
Fathers also have a role to play in changing the narrative. By being actively involved in their children's lives and challenging the stereotypes they see in the media, fathers can help redefine what it means to be a dad. This involves not only being present but also being proactive in seeking opportunities to bond with their children and to be a positive influence.
Here are some suggestions for balancing roles within the home:
1. Leverage Complementary Strengths: Both parents should participate but play to their strengths. One parent should not dictate family dynamics; understanding and complementing each other's strengths is key.
2. Foster Independence: Fathers should develop their childcare skills independently, feeling purposeful and respected for their unique contributions.
3. Family Meals: Aim to eat together regularly. Consistent family mealtimes foster stability and communication. Even if daily meals aren't feasible, a weekly family meal can create a special bonding time. I've written about this elsewhere .
4. Re-evaluate Roles: Sharing time with children and household duties can enhance family cooperation and understanding.
5. Engage Male Role Models: Single parents or mothers with female partners should consciously involve trusted male figures in their children's lives, such as uncles, friends, or coaches, to provide balanced role models.
6. Support Emotional Expression: Recognise that boys and girls express emotions differently and support them accordingly. Boys might need more encouragement to share their feelings.
7. Balanced Parenting Post-Divorce: Divorced or separated parents should strive to give children balanced time with both parents, maintaining the presence of both male and female figures in their lives.
Fathers can also advocate for better representation by supporting media that portrays positive father figures and by speaking out against content that perpetuates harmful stereotypes. Social media provides a platform for voices to be heard, and fathers can use this to share their experiences and to call for more balanced portrayals of fatherhood in the media.
Portraying fathers as capable, nurturing, and responsible figures isn't just about altering TV tropes; it's about cultivating a generation that appreciates and aims for positive paternal attributes.
Instead of perpetuating antiquated and damaging stereotypes, media creators have a chance to exhibit the genuine diversity of fatherhood. Let's advocate for more representations that encourage admiration and affection for fathers, acknowledging the vital role they have in their children's lives. This goes beyond mere entertainment; it's about moulding the future in the most optimistic way.
"The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him.” Proverbs 20:7