Ego is the Enemy: How Pride Undermines Success

In 1934, Upton Sinclair ran for Governor of California. Prior to the election, he wrote a book titled I, Governor of California, and How I Ended Poverty. In this work, he outlined his achievements—in the past tense—as if he had already secured victory.

Although the book became a bestseller, Sinclair ultimately lost the election by a landslide. His friends observed that after writing the book, he became disengaged from the actual campaign.

His inflated ego led him to believe that mere rhetoric was sufficient, that his ambitious vision alone could alter reality. It could not.

Sinclair's story serves as a cautionary tale about the perils of ego. As Ryan Holiday articulates in Ego is the Enemy (which I’ve just finished reading), ego is the silent killer of success. It diverts our attention from meaningful work, obscures our weaknesses, and persuades us that hype and self-promotion can replace genuine action.

Today, the struggle against ego has become increasingly urgent. In an age characterised by personal branding, viral fame, and relentless digital validation, we face unprecedented pressure to promote ourselves. The very tools designed to connect us often exacerbate our ego's worst tendencies, rendering Holiday's insights more pertinent than ever.

The Philosophy of Ego: Ancient Wisdom and Modern Challenges

The struggle with ego has challenged humanity throughout history. Ancient Stoics, such as Marcus Aurelius, despite being the most powerful man in the world, grappled with the same issues we face today.

In his Meditations, he consistently reminded himself: "Do what needs to be done. No more, no less." This sentiment reflects Ryan Holiday's central thesis that ego undermines our capacity to concentrate on what truly matters.

The ancient Greeks referred to "eudaimonia" as a state of human flourishing that arises not from external achievements but from living virtuously and fulfilling one's true purpose.

This concept elucidates why ego can be so destructive; it shifts our focus from being genuinely successful to merely appearing successful.

As Marcus Aurelius wrote, "How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it." The same can be said of ego; its promises of greatness can lead to far greater pains than the discomfort of humility.

But what exactly is ego? It is not merely self-esteem or confidence. Ego represents the artificial persona we construct—our idealised self-image that craves constant validation. It is the voice that proclaims, "I am special”, rather than,"This work is important." This distinction is crucial: one emphasises identity, while the other highlights impact.

This gives rise to what philosophers refer to as the "paradox of ego": the more we pursue greatness for its own sake, the more it slips away from us. True greatness, as Holiday contends, emerges as a byproduct of concentrating on something greater than ourselves.

Sinclair's campaign faltered not due to a lack of vision or capability, but because his ego compelled him to prioritise the narrative of his success over the necessary work to attain it.

The Contemporary Expression of Ego

Take a moment to reflect on social media. Platforms like X, TikTok, and Instagram continually invite us to share: What's on your mind?

They entice us to fill the silence with idle chatter, substituting meaningful action with superficial conversation.

In an attention-driven economy, we are led to believe that the person who speaks the most is the one who is succeeding. However, this is a dangerous illusion.

When we prioritise conversation over action, we forfeit long-term success in exchange for the ephemeral gratification of likes and comments.

The Digital Amplification of the Ego

Social media has not only provided a new playground for ego but has also fundamentally changed how we perceive achievement and validation.

The instant feedback loop of likes and comments generates what psychologists refer to as "intermittent reinforcement," the same mechanism that contributes to the addictive nature of gambling.

Each notification delivers a surge of dopamine, conditioning us to prioritise immediate validation over substantial accomplishments.

However, this digital age presents not only challenges but also opportunities. The same platforms that can inflate our egos can also be utilised to track genuine progress, connect with mentors, and share authentic learning experiences.

The key is intentionality—using these tools to document our journey rather than to declare our superiority.

This phenomenon is what self-development guru Ed Mylett refers to as the "highlight reel delusion" - we compare our behind-the-scenes struggles with the carefully curated successes of others.

Take, for example, the story of a writer who secured a six-figure book deal yet spent two years scrolling through social media instead of writing. She rationalised her behaviour by claiming she was "building her brand."

However, as Ryan Holiday cautions, our ego often deceives us into believing that discussing our dreams is equivalent to realising them. It is not.

Writing a book, establishing a business, or mastering a skill demands focus, discipline, and unwavering effort—not mere hype.

The Cultural Dimensions of Ego

Different cultures perceive ego through vastly different lenses. Eastern philosophical traditions, such as Buddhism, regard ego as an illusion to be transcended.

In contrast, Western individualism often celebrates ego as the driving force behind achievement.

Additionally, Japanese business culture emphasises"nemawashi", the practice of quiet consensus-building over individual glory.

Take also the Japanese concept of "kaizen" - continuous improvement. When Toyota adopted this philosophy, they did not celebrate individual genius; instead, they emphasised the collective commitment to small, daily enhancements.

This approach enabled them to become a global leader in automotive innovation, illustrating how ego-free collaboration can yield extraordinary results.

These cultural perspectives provide valuable insights. The Eastern viewpoint reminds us that our ego-driven anxieties are often self-created. Spiritual teacher Adi Da Samraj for example says, “The ego is an activity, not an entity. The ego is the activity of avoidance, the avoidance of relationship.”

The Western tradition meanwhile, illustrates how focused ambition can foster innovation. The Japanese approach highlights how collective achievement frequently surpasses individual brilliance.

The Consequences of an Unchecked Ego

These philosophical and cultural insights illuminate why the ego can be so destructive. It does not merely distract us; it can ultimately destroy us. The ego renders us insufferable to those around us, obscures our weaknesses, and can lead to burnout.

Sinclair's ego cost him the election, while the writer's ego cost her a novel. In our own lives, the ego can jeopardise relationships, opportunities, and personal fulfilment.

Take the example of Nikola Jokić, the Serbian basketball star often regarded as one of the greatest NBA players of all time. As I have noted elsewhere, Jokić's success is not founded on ego or self-promotion; rather, it is rooted in humility, hard work, and an unwavering commitment to improvement.

Drafted as the 41st pick in the second round, Jokić was initially overlooked. However, instead of allowing his ego to hinder his progress, he dedicated himself to honing his craft. His basketball IQ, court vision, and passing ability distinguish him—not his capacity to boast about his greatness.

The Practice of Ego Management: Moving Beyond Simple Solutions

Managing ego involves more than just behavioural changes; it necessitates a philosophical shift in our understanding of success and identity.

This raises a crucial question: How can we maintain ambition while transcending ego? The answer may lie in what Hungarian-American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi refers to as the "flow" state in which we become so absorbed in meaningful work that our ego temporarily dissolves. This is the experience Jokić encounters on the court and what Djokovic discovers in his most focused moments.

And remember, flow is not exclusive to athletes or artists. A parent who is deeply engaged in teaching their child, a programmer tackling a complex problem, or a gardener nurturing their plants can all experience this ego-dissolving state.

The key is complete immersion in the task at hand, where self-consciousness fades away and only the work remains.

How to Identify and Combat Ego

With these deeper insights in mind, let's explore practical strategies for overcoming ego. The first step is to recognise its presence.

Ego thrives on chatter, hype, and self-promotion. It convinces us that we are more important than we truly are and that our voices must be heard in every conversation.

Here are several effective methods to combat ego:

1. Talk Less, Do More: Emphasise action over words. Jokić's selfless play and Djokovic's disciplined training routines demonstrate that true success stems from consistent effort rather than ego-driven hype.

2. Embrace Silence: Resist the urge to contribute to every conversation. As Holiday writes, "The ability to deliberately keep yourself out of the conversation and subsist without its validation is rare and powerful." Silence is the refuge of the confident and the strong.

3. Embrace the Student Mindset: The ego often flourishes in the illusion of mastery. Counter this by adopting a mindset of continuous learning. As Djokovic exemplifies, even the greatest athletes must adapt and evolve to maintain their position at the top.

4. Emphasise Teamwork: Ego isolates us, while humility connects us. Jokić's ability to elevate his teammates demonstrates that true greatness is a collaborative effort, not an individual achievement.

Before we continue, take a moment to evaluate your own relationship with ego. Understanding your position is the first step toward meaningful change.

The following simple assessment, grounded in Holiday's principles and contemporary insights, will help you identify areas where ego may be influencing your decisions and actions.

Assess Your Relationship with Your Ego


Take this quick self-assessment based on Ryan Holiday's principles and Ed Mylett's insights on ego management. Remember, this exercise is not about judgment; it is about fostering self-awareness and personal growth.

For each question, please record your answer (A, B, C, or D). Be honest—this is for your personal reflection and growth.

1. How do you usually manage team successes?

- A. Emphasise the team's efforts rather than my own.

- B. Acknowledge my contribution while sharing credit.

- C. Highlight your leadership role.

- D. Take primary credit for the success.



2. When confronted with criticism, your initial reaction is:

- A. Reflect deeply and seek the truth.

- B. Seek perspectives from others.

- C. Defend your position.

- D. Dismiss it outright.



3. How do you balance social media use with personal development?

- A. Prioritise growth over online visibility

- B. Maintain a balanced approach

- C. Focus on cultivating online influence

- D. Maximise engagement on social media platforms



4. When working toward your goals, you typically:

- A. Focus quietly on execution.

- B. Share your progress with close friends.

- C. Publicly announce goals. 

- D. Promote yourself as an expert.



5. After achieving something significant, you:

- A. Immediately establish new challenges.

- B. Celebrate briefly, then move forward.

- C. Share widely on social media platforms.

- D. Utilise it to develop your personal brand.



Scoring:

Give yourself:

- 1 point for each A answer

- 2 points for each B answer

- 3 points for each C answer

- 4 points for each D answer


Understanding Your Score:


5-8 Points: The Humble Achiever

You embody Holiday's ideal of quiet excellence. Your emphasis on growth rather than glory demonstrates a healthy relationship with your ego. Continue to nurture this balanced approach while sustaining your drive for improvement.


9-12 Points: The Balanced Individual

You demonstrate a commendable ability to manage your ego while nurturing healthy ambition. Consider Mylett's concept of 'blissful dissatisfaction' to continue your growth while remaining grounded.


13-16 Points: Ego in Check

Your ego can sometimes influence your actions. Consider applying Holiday's principle of prioritising action over recognition to enhance your approach.


17-20 Points: Ego-Driven

Your ego may be hindering your potential. Consider shifting your focus from seeking external validation to establishing internal standards and creating a meaningful impact.


Next Steps:

1. Share your results with a trusted friend or mentor.

2. Choose one area from your profile to focus on improving.

3. Set a specific action goal based on your results.

4. Return to this quiz in three months to monitor your progress.


Remember, this quiz is not about judgment; it is about awareness. Use your results as a starting point for reflection and personal growth.

The Power of Humility and Discipline

Humility and discipline serve as antidotes to ego. They keep us grounded, focused, and dedicated to the work that truly matters. As Proverbs 11:2 reminds us, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

True strength arises from humility, not from ego.

Consider Djokovic's mental resilience. His ability to remain calm under pressure, to reset after setbacks, and to concentrate on the process rather than the outcome serves as a model for overcoming ego.

Djokovic does not shy away from his emotions; instead, he acknowledges them and moves forward. This requires practice, but as he states, mental strength can be cultivated.

Similarly, Jokić's humility on the court exemplifies the power of quiet leadership. He does not seek the spotlight; instead, he earns it through his actions.

The Path Beyond Ego

The journey beyond ego is not about diminishing ourselves; rather, it is about expanding our perspective.

When we cease striving for greatness and instead concentrate on producing exceptional work, we paradoxically attain the very recognition our ego desires.

As Holiday observes, this is the ultimate irony: those who are most deserving of fame are often the least interested in it.

The question isn't whether you have an ego; we all do. The real question is whether you will allow it to control you or learn to transcend it.

In an age of unprecedented noise and distraction, the ability to quiet the ego's demands and concentrate on meaningful work is not merely a philosophical theory; it is a practical necessity.

Remember Sinclair's cautionary tale. His story teaches us that ego can seduce even the most talented individuals into confusing words with achievements and dreams with reality. However, we can choose a different path—one of humble action, quiet excellence, and sustained growth.

As Ryan Holiday writes, "Dreams don't work unless you do." Therefore, put in the effort, remain humble, and remember: ego is the enemy—but you have the power to overcome it.