Family Schedules

Tips and strategies for family life

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by the Daily Telegraph’s Anna Tyzack for a feature she was writing on how different families schedule their days and tasks. 

As most of our children have now grown up — the eldest is 32 and the youngest is 15 — I had to delve a little into my memory banks to recall the schedules and routines we had over the years for our nine children. 

What follows in a slightly edited version of the responses I made to her questions. 

I’m someone who likes a routine and this made things easier when the children were younger. 

We had a whiteboard, which my wife Helena and I would write on each evening setting out what everyone was doing the following day. 

Not that things didn’t sometimes unravel: at the very beginning our first child was in nursery in the City (London’s financial sector), where we both worked. This was quite a stressful time for both of us as we just starting our careers and if our son so much as sneezed one of us would be called to leave work to take him home. 

But as we had more children, I became a stay-at-home parent — it wasn’t a difficult decision as the professional upside for Helena was much stronger than for me. We also had a great live-out nanny who worked on weekdays until around 5pm, after which it was “cocktail time”, when I served carrots, cucumber and crisps on a lazy Susan. Children love the small certainties amidst the chaos. 

We’d then eat supper together later when Helena was home from work and the older children had done their homework. 

We didn’t look over their shoulders; from early on I was keen for them to learn how to manage themselves, even if that meant learning to make mistakes. Helena and I also encouraged them that organising their belongings for the next day would make their lives less stressful and avoid hassle from us, particularly from me. 

Parenting is about mirroring: we both worked very hard and they got used to working hard, too.

That said, Helena has always been good at leaving work on time; she made a point of not staying late into the evening. She wanted to be home with the children, even if this meant she had to be more focussed during the daytime. 

We’ve never worried about getting the children to bed early; it seems more important to have a great meal together and a time to chat and watch our favourite TV shows. Even now, I still do all the cooking and the children living at home who are working will message me if they’re running five minutes late for supper; we never drilled it into them but it’s become a significant daily event.

I’ve tended to minimise involvement in school Whatsapp groups and their equivalents. Some can be helpful but over the years I have found some parents can get far too involved and worried about issues that are not really that important and I would rather steer clear of the drama and gossip. Sometimes it is best to not “know” what is “really’ going on.

I was keen to get the children involved in as much sport as possible, though. It’s character building and fun. You win, you fail and you mess up but you can’t walk away from the responsibility. It is a great real-world experience to have at an early age.

I do not believe in the sometimes fashionable view that “everyone is a winner”. Life just isn’t like that and the sooner children learn to understand this and embrace it the better. 

We learn more from our so-called defeats than from the victories.

We’ve never done ski trips or half term holidays and we rarely got invited away to other people’s holiday homes. The children were booked into clubs and camps and had friends over and got on with craft at home, arranged by me or our nanny. 

Our family holiday has always been in the summer, to Cornwall, France, Crete or Portugal. Helena plans it meticulously and it always costs a fortune. It used to be so stressful packing all the suitcases and getting to the airport. Once our minibus to the airport cancelled and a double decker bus turned up outside the house instead. It’s always been worth it, though and we’re lucky that some of our older children now come with our grandchildren. 

Have we been good at carving out time for ourselves? Helena not so much although she is getting better at it. She’s a list person who likes to tick things off and claims she will relax when she has finished her (never-ending) tasks. I’ve always felt as if I have enough time for myself, though. And I wouldn’t have relentlessly made packed lunches and collected numerous children from after school clubs and do all the cooking if I didn’t love doing family stuff. 

I’ve been trying to create a culture, at least that’s how I see it.

The full Telegraph article can be found here:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/life/how-families-manage-schedules-virtual-pa-whiteboard/