Why I am Very Happy For My Children to Use Smartphones and Social Media

I refuse to ban or excessively restrict smartphone or social media use by my children.

Why?

Because it is training them for the rapidly evolving digital world that is unfolding now with remarkable speed and scale. 

Whether we like it or not, their future in education, work, health, relationships and many other areas of life is likely to depend on how they navigate this new digital space.

I completely understand why many parents and politicians are concerned about the risks associated with social media and smartphone use by children. 

I have nine children. 

And there are risks. I get it. 

There are vulnerable children who can get hurt and those those who make poor choices when using social media. And there are plenty of bad actors happy to exploit the vulnerable. 

So, I am not naive, and I am not suggesting a free-for-all or zero boundaries. For example, I don’t want to see personal smartphones being used in classrooms. Additionally, anyone scrolling on a smartphone while pretending to use gym equipment while I’m waiting impatiently should be banned!

But we are where we are. We cannot un-invent the iPhone, social media, or AI. But we can help our children work out ways of using them for positive, life-enhancing and creative endeavours. At the same time encouraging them to understand the risks, scams and threats, which is something we should be doing in all areas of life, not just with social media.

That is why I spend time talking with my children and their older siblings about new developments in social media and technology, areas of creative opportunity, failures and success stories, toxic content and the lessons we can learn from all of that. 

I’m very keen on transparency. I want them to feel they can talk openly about what’s happening online, the same way they can discuss other areas of their life experience. 

In contrast, I think banning social media and smartphones fuels curiosity, resentment and potentially secretive behaviour. And the path of secrecy is a dangerous one. 

That said, my wife and I are conscious of ensuring our children don’t get too sucked into the tech and social vortex to the detriment of everything else going on in the world. 

Not by stopping them from using it, but rather by supporting alternative or complementary interests such as sports, religion, reading (books), talking, food, art, singing, music, and just general messing about.

We trust our children to have discernment about this following the years of family conversations and observations we have had about values and appropriate conduct.

They know what we expect of them and what the boundaries are. We don’t need to give lectures or live in fear about what they are getting up to when we’re not around. 

And if problems arise they can always rely on us to listen and hopefully help.

By helping our children understand how to navigate the world safely and effectively, we have sought to empower them to make informed decisions and protect themselves from danger, not just on social media.

We have tried to teach them how to be good in bad times.

In the long run, I believe this understanding, rather than bans and restrictions, will serve them best.

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