Raising Insightful Children

The Importance of Teaching Discernment in a Digital Age

"the whole world is in a terrible state o' chassis".

This statement holds even more truth today than when it was first written by the Irish playwright Sean O'Casey in his 1924 play, Juno and the Paycock.

Amidst the chaos, it's crucial for those raising or considering starting a family to prepare their children, not just to navigate but to thrive in this very unsettled world.

The journey commences with discernment - the capacity to make sound judgments.

In a world where "my truth" often holds more significance than objective or even partially accurate information, it is imperative for children to acquire the skill of distinguishing reality from manipulation.

Helping to raise nine children has been a tremendous privilege, and one powerful way I've nurtured their discernment is by exposing them to a wide range of perspectives and ideas that they might not encounter in their everyday lives.

By doing this, my children have learned to think critically about different viewpoints and situations. It broadened their horizons and equipped them with the necessary tools to navigate the complexities of the world.

Providing them with diverse viewpoints and encouraging open-minded exploration has helped them to analyse and question the information presented to them rather than passively absorbing it.

For example, when our oldest son began boarding school I consistently shared online articles with him on a wide range of subjects such as politics, religion, history, and culture, which are not commonly covered in his school curriculum or mainstream media.

Frequently, the links I sent would get restricted by the school IT department because of content that was considered suspicious. Eventually, the school identified me as the sender of the messages and allowed the articles to reach my son.

Exposure to various ideologies and perspectives allowed him to engage in discussions about their advantages and disadvantages, thereby sharpening his critical thinking skills. It's worth noting that he's always had a keen interest in exploring a wide range of ideas, so I made sure there was a constant stream of new concepts for him to consider.

While not every child has this innate curiosity, many are eager to discover new things, and that's the perfect time to encourage them to delve deeper.

Tailoring your approach to the individual child is crucial. There's no point in sending articles on libertarianism to a young person who has no interest in political philosophy.

It’s not the content itself that matters as much as sparking their curiosity. The more curious they become, the more refined their judgment will be.

Likewise, school projects frequently offer a valuable opportunity for our children to exercise discernment. When our daughter was working on a school project about the scientist Marie Curie, I suggested she explore sources beyond the usual top results of a Google search by also looking up criticism of Curie's research.

It is advisable to consider the opposing perspective, even if you believe it to be untrue. By taking this additional measure, she managed to produce a report that was not only informative but also demonstrated a more profound comprehension of the subject by recognising its intricacies and debates.

This holds for any contemporary topic be it Ukraine, Israel or the climate “crisis”. The practice of thoroughly examining all aspects of a topic aids in the development of a comprehensive perspective among children. It also helps them realise that most issues are nuanced and not just black or white, but rather exist in shades of grey, a reality seemingly lost on many of the current student demonstrators and various politicians.

This aspect becomes particularly significant when the topic in question aligns with a widely held consensus that is generally accepted without scrutiny or critical evaluation.

On most days, I continue to annotate newspaper articles and online stories to illustrate how specific perspectives are presented as indisputable. It is not that I necessarily oppose these perspectives; instead, I consider it is valuable to see the mechanisms at play.

The general public frequently encounters significant pressure to embrace the perspectives advocated by influential individuals, governmental bodies, corporates and institutions. When young people understand this phenomenon they are less susceptible to being influenced by groupthink and blindly accepting predictable narratives.

For example, the unprecedented deprivation of our fundamental human rights and the confinement to our homes during the multiple Covid lockdowns was never accepted as justified in our family conversations. From the outset, we chose not to yield to the fear being generated by the authorities and in the media. We could do this because of all that went before. 99% of people change when pain happens, while the 1% win.

Talking about discernment, free speech, and liberty can be straightforward in theory, but when confronted with a truly challenging or painful situation, our true hierarchy of beliefs and values becomes apparent.

As the great Mike Tyson once said, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. I want my children to know that punches will happen, but to be ready for them.

There exists significant societal pressure for adolescents (and everyone) to adhere to social norms and expectations. The transition from childhood to adulthood is often marked by a strong desire to fit in.

It's perfectly understandable for young adults to want to fit in, but I worry when this drive leads them to suppress their critical thinking and act inauthentically just to conform to a group or impress others.

One must stay true to oneself. Integrity should be one of our most cherished possessions.

In a societal context where adherence to norms is frequently incentivised while nonconformity is discouraged, it becomes crucial to educate children on the importance of upholding their integrity and fostering independent thinking.

Peer pressure can lead children to be hesitant in expressing non-traditional or unpopular opinions. It is crucial to cultivate in them the confidence and courage necessary to challenge widely accepted assumptions and beliefs. This is easier to do when they have learned the ropes at home.

From an early age, when my children would share information with me about their school experiences, I consistently asked follow-up questions to delve deeper into the issues they were discussing. In such instances, I often prompted them with my personal mantra: always remember to ask the second question!

Lots of people only have a surface-level understanding and struggle when asked further questions. By tackling this issue early, children can learn to critically assess the information they come across. This helps them grasp its importance and decide how reliable it is.

I always strive to keep an open attitude towards questioning my assumptions and beliefs. It’s incredibly beneficial to stay flexible and be willing to revise our views in light of new evidence or changing personal interests.

Many people cling so tightly to their beliefs, often because they personally identify with them or feel a connection to a group's beliefs, fearing they might lose their sense of identity or acceptance by the group.

It’s vital for young people to explore whether this is true of themselves, rather than simply adopting perspectives without proper research or reflection.

In our digital age, we enjoy unparalleled access to a vast sea of information, but this convenience comes with its own set of challenges, such as superficial understanding and the pervasive nature of groupthink.

The digital world is teeming with bite-sized, easily digestible content, which is often accepted without questioning its accuracy or origin. This issue is compounded by algorithms designed to reinforce our existing beliefs by showing us content that aligns with our past searches and interactions. It is crucial for children to learn the importance of digging deeper into information, rather than simply accepting what is popular or widely accepted at face value.

There is also of course the threats posed by online bullying and the existence of unsavoury characters posing as someone they are not. It is essential to educate children about risk in a manner that does not instil fear in them. Nowadays, a significant number of risks have transitioned to the online realm, making it considerably more challenging to ascertain the true identities of your "friends."

As I set out in a previous newsletter, I do not believe that banning smartphones or social media for children is the answer. Rather teaching them discernment and self-confidence is the best way of minimising the risks and helping them use this wonderful technology for good.

We must address all these challenges directly. The development of the ability to discern is an active and intentional process. Active involvement from parents, educators, and the community is essential to establish an environment that fosters self-awareness, inquiry, and critical thinking.

To sum up:

- Curated Content: Introduce children to books, articles and online resources that span various genres and perspectives. Like the example of me emailing articles to my son, provide children with diverse and even obscure perspectives on various topics. This practice helps them develop the ability to discern between different viewpoints, not immediately reject the outlandish or bizarre, and form their own opinions.

- Utilise online educational resources: Encourage children to explore topics of interest in more depth through online platforms. The free resources available online are fantastic and increasing every day. A key element in developing discernment is the ability to ask critical questions. Just like I did with our children during casual conversations, prompting them to think deeper about everyday observations or complex concepts plays a crucial part. Start with simple questions and gradually increase complexity as their understanding grows.

- Implement the 'Second Question' technique: After an initial answer, ask another question to delve deeper into their understanding. Help them to get into the habit of asking the next question themselves and to know for themselves if they really understand what they are talking about or listening to.

- Use hypothetical scenarios: Challenge your children by asking how they would handle certain situations differently. We often did this while watching TV shows or movies.

- Critical Analysis: Encourage children to seek out and analyse criticism or alternative viewpoints, as demonstrated with my daughter's school project on Marie Curie. This approach leads to a more nuanced understanding of subjects and improves their analytical skills.

- Encourage them to question reliability: Teach them to ask about the source of information, its purpose, and its context. Suggest they use AI and other software/apps to create video content so that they can understand how easy it is to manipulate what is real. Encourage them to observe how governments or companies often repeat information endlessly across various media platforms, including unexpected places like children's TV shows and films e.g. the climate "crisis". Once you see it you notice this everywhere. Just make sure they don't become paranoid!

- Questioning Norms: Teach children to question what seems obvious and avoid groupthink. Encouraging them to stand out and have unconventional views helps cultivate discernment and resilience against peer pressure.

- Safe Space: Creating a safe space where children are encouraged to express their thoughts without fear of reprimand is essential. In an earlier newsletter I highlighted the importance of open communication at the dinner table. This setting not only helps in bonding over food, but also in exchanging ideas freely, which are crucial in nurturing discerning minds.

- Respectful listening: Show genuine interest and respect when listening to your children’s viewpoints, even when they differ from your own.

- Avoid immediate corrections: Instead of correcting them outright, guide them to figure out inconsistencies in their logic. I am very bad at this!

- Promote empathy: Encourage them to appreciate and respect others' viewpoints, and to understand the background and reasoning behind those perspectives during debates and discussions. This does not mean they have to agree with other perspectives but it always helps to understand why people hold the views they have. This is a big issue now. The quality of public debate has significantly declined, with many people holding strong agendas refusing to engage in discussion. Instead, they attempt to shut down opposing viewpoints, often with slogans like "no free speech for fascists." We need to push back hard against this tendency, something university administrations in particular seem to be unwilling or unable to do right now.

- Modelling Behaviour: Demonstrate a questioning attitude and independent thinking in your own behaviour. Children learn by example, and seeing these traits in their parents can inspire them to develop similar habits. A word of caution - it's not about being cynical or negative. It's about keeping your critical thinking sharp and not letting lazy assumptions shape your thoughts and interactions with the world.

The journey of nurturing the spirit of discernment in our children is both challenging and rewarding. By intentionally exposing them to diverse viewpoints and encouraging them to question the status quo, we equip them with the ability to think critically and independently. This will not only help them in their academic pursuits but will significantly contribute to their personal growth. Ultimately, as they learn to navigate through the abundance of information available, they will become more competent and confident in making informed decisions. Let us commit to this endeavour consistently, fostering a generation of thinkers and leaders who can discern wisely in an ever-complex world.

"My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgement and discretion; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck." Proverbs 3:21-22